[Theme song]

Poppy: Hey, welcome back, guys.

Pugly: Welcome, welcome.

Mickey: Welcome. [laughs]

Pugly: So exciting. We have some great things in store for you guys.

Mickey: This is Secondhand Confessions again. We have a great episode coming up. Uh, our topic today is one we've done before, but we just really loved it. You could, might even say that we're obsessed with it.

Pugly: Ooh.

Poppy: Ooh.

Mickey: Our topic is obsessions.

Poppy: Okay.

Pugly: Ooh!

Mickey: And I think we have a few stories. I have a story, and then I think Pugly, you have a story.

Pugly: I do.

Mickey: Do you want me to go first Pugly, or shall I go? I mean… [laughs]

Pugly: Shall I go or shall I go? [laughs]

Poppy: [laughs]

Mickey: Do you guys want me to—Do you guys want me to send it to you?

Pugly: I think you should go.

Mickey: Do you guys want me to send it to you so you can read along? I know Pugly has that specific learning disability.

Pugly: I do have that preference. I do have a learning disability. Thank you for announcing that publicly.

Mickey: [laughs]

Poppy: Sometimes I just close my eyes, and I can listen better.

Mickey: Okay, I'll, I'll go ahead and read, but I sent it to you guys if you're interested.

Pugly: Mmk.

Mickey: So the original post is: “My (M21) girlfriend’s (F23) obsession with Pokémon is embarrassing me.” So, he, he is 21, his girlfriend is 23, and his obsession with Pokémon is embarrassing him.

Pugly: Oh, his obsession, not her obsession.

Mickey: Oh, I'm sorry. Her obsession with Pokémon is embarrassing him.

Pugly: Gotcha.

Poppy: And she's the older one. Yes, okay.

Mickey: Yeah. She's older by, like, two years.

Pugly: This was, must have been when Pokémon Go was a thing, like a big deal.

Mickey: Yeah, actually. It was four years ago. Is that when it was a big deal?

Pugly: I don't remember. It might have been longer than that.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: Was it during COVID or was it before COVID?

Mickey: Yeah, I think this is during COVID, so maybe people were doing that. Oh, you mean, you mean, um, you mean Pokémon Go? I remember it being big when we were at REDACTED. Oh, on college. At college.

Pugly: “On college.” [laughs]

Poppy: I was just gonna say, yeah, people were doing that at—on college.

Mickey: On college.

Poppy: Okay, so I wasn't expecting it to be the female who has the obsession for some reason. I'm always pro-female, con-male. But anyways…

Pugly: I'm so with you on that.

Mickey: [laughs]

Poppy: [laughs]

Mickey: Ahh… Exactly. Yeah, no, I was like, “Hm, that's an interesting one.” I would have thought it was the other way around.

Pugly: Yeah.

Mickey: So he starts out by saying: So my girlfriend loves Pokémon. Sometimes when we go out, she will ask me if it's alright if she checks for some PokéStops on Pokémon Go. When someone we know talks about Pokémon, my girlfriend gets really excited and wants to be friends on Pokémon Go right away.

Poppy: Oh my God.

Mickey: [laughs] She also has many Pokémon plushies—all of them in our shared bedroom. At first it was cute, but my friends are starting to make fun of me for dating a child.

My girlfriend is very mature and an amazing partner, but when I brought up how her obsession with Pokémon is embarrassing for her age, she felt insulted and told me her liking and playing Pokémon is no different than me playing LOL?

Pugly: League of Legends.

Mickey: League of Legends. [laughs] League of Legends and Minecraft. [laughs]

Pugly: Never played it, but I do—I'm familiar with the acronym.

Mickey: Ahh… Still, my buddies are making fun of us, and I'm afraid she will get hurt once she hears them. What to do? How to convince her she should maybe tone it down a little? My friends are visiting us, and I'm sure they will make fun of her once they will see all of her plushies.

What do you guys think?

Poppy: Uh… Well… He sounds insecure.

Pugly: Mhm.

Poppy: But he's also 21. [laughs]

Pugly: He is also 21.

Mickey: Yeah, he’s a baby.

Pugly: But they're also of drinking age, and this is a bit of a childish—no offense—hobby.

Mickey: Mhm.

Poppy: Yeah…

Pugly: But I do actually have a friend who listens to this podcast that was a very active Pokémon Go player for a while.

Mickey: Oh, shout out! Hey.

Poppy: There's nothing wrong with liking the game. It just sounds like when someone likes it a little too much, you know?

Pugly: Yeah. It's a little extreme. I do feel though that it's his responsibility to, like, take care of the friends because he can easily just say, like, “Hey, back off, that's my girlfriend you're talking about. You really shouldn't be shitting on her like that.”

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: That's why I think he's insecure and, like, why would they be going into your bedroom and finding all the plushies? Like…

Pugly: Exactly. And like scrutinizing your bed and your bed accessories.

Mickey: Yeah, like that means he's allowing them to do those things, which, like, a relationship is like a sacred thing. Like you shouldn't allow someone to come in and criticize it like that.

Pugly: Mhm.

Mickey: Especially like, especially a bedroom is very symbolic of the relationship because that's your shared space, like literally.

Pugly: Yeah.

Mickey: Yeah, I think, like, obviously, like, I wouldn't do this. I mean, not obviously; I shouldn't say obviously, but I wouldn't… [laughs] I wouldn't, I, you know, deleted Pokémon Go after like a month, but like, you know, I don't see any problem with it if it's like not—and it doesn't really sound like an obsession. That's what I was about to say. If it's not an obsession. It doesn't sound like one. It just sounds like that's what she likes to do in her spare time.

Poppy: Yeah.

Pugly: Yeah, she has a passion for it, but like, it's not like overtaking her life.

Mickey: Yeah. And her comment about it being kind of like Minecraft and him playing Minecraft is like, so true. Like, why is it okay for him to play Minecraft and it's not okay for her?

Poppy: Mhm.

Pugly: Yeah. I mean, everybody has their hobbies, like you have to kind of accept your partner's hobbies at some level.

Mickey: Mhm. Well, what do you guys think about, like, the plushies? Like, if, as you're getting older, you kind of want the place or the space to look a little bit more adult and put together. How would you guys approach that kind of conversation with a partner? Specifically, not like, because you're embarrassed, but you just want your space to look older.

Pugly: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I would be like, you know, “I really would appreciate if our shared space was more of a kind of a mesh of like both of our interests and like, if maybe we had our separate spaces for the things that we separately enjoy, like, I'll have my League of Legends stuff over here in this corner or this room or this office or whatever; you can have your stuff in that room. Like…”

Mickey: [laughs]

Pugly: Why are you laughing at that? That’s like—

Mickey: I'm laughing because I was, like, “Make it look more adult,” and you're like, I'll have my League of Legends stuff here. [laughs]

Pugly: Because I'm saying, like, you can't just get rid of the hobby in a person. Like, you can't just be, like, “Change yourself.”

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: I mean, I think, like, if she kept, like—to really compromise, like, maybe keep, like, one or two and put it on a shelf or something, if it just has to be there, you know? But, like, to line every corner of the room or to be on the bed and stuff like that, like…

Mickey: Yeah, it's a lot.

Poppy: It is a lot. So…

Mickey: Yeah. But it doesn't, again, it doesn't seem like that's what's bothering him.

Poppy: I think he's upset about all of it. I think that he just, like, completely dislikes the whole that she's into Pokémon.

Pugly: Mhm.

Mickey: But I think what I'm trying to say is it didn't seem like he was bothered by it until his friends said something.

Poppy: Did they say something or is he worried they're going to say something?

Pugly: Yeah, he's worried. It sounded like he was worried. He said something about, like, “I'm worried that she'll get hurt when she finds out what they say or how they speak about her” or something.

Mickey: Mhm. Um, no, but they actually did start making fun of her. He said at first it was cute, but my friends are starting to make fun of me for dating a child. And then, afterwards he says: Still, my buddies are making fun of us, and I'm afraid she will get hurt once she hears them.

Poppy: I bet he's newly 21, and his friends are like 20 and maybe even some are 19. This sounds like very, like, elementary to me.

Mickey: Yeah. Yeah.

Pugly: Juvenile.

Mickey: He didn't even say anything about, like, you know, “But I told them, hey, like, that's not funny” or whatever.

Poppy: Well, he's, uh…

Mickey: He's a baby.

Poppy: But the other word for baby.

Mickey: [laughs]

Poppy: [laughs]

Mickey: Oh… Someone commented, actually the top comment was: Get some new friends.

Poppy: Yeah.

Mickey: And he responded and said: They are our mutual friends, so she would need to know that they make fun of her. I don't want her to know though because I know she will get hurt.

So it's kind of like he's like putting all of the onus on her to, like, change.

Pugly: Mhm.

Poppy: Mhm.

Mickey: Like he thinks, like they told him, “Hey, your girlfriend is childish,” and instead of like reflecting and like thinking about it, and, you know, having any kind of internal discussion with himself, he's like, “They're right. She needs to change immediately.” And she needs to change—like he’s, he cares about her kind of because he like, I don't want to, I don't want her to get hurt, but he's like, but she needs to change. Like, so he doesn't really care about her in that way.

Poppy: He doesn't really care about her.

Mickey: Yeah.

Pugly: Well, what happens?

Mickey: Uh, you mean the update?

Pugly: Yeah. What's the update?

Mickey: Um I do, I do want to read one more comment of his though. Someone said: This doesn't sound like an obsession at all. What it does sound like is that you're more worried about what your friends say of you than about the harmless things that make your girlfriend happy.

And he responded: I'm worried she will get hurt by their comments since they are our mutual friends, so no matter what, she will learn about their opinions on her hobby sooner or later. I thought she could just try to act normal in front of them, but she took an offense and told me that what she's doing is normal.

So, I think that kind of confirms what we just said about he like doesn't actually care if she gets hurt or not.

Poppy: Uh huh.

Mickey: Okay. So there's an update to this, and he says: I've decided to post this update because you were all right: I didn't have a girlfriend problem; I had a friends problem.

So I had a talk with my girlfriend like one of the users has suggested. I explained to her that I'm not ashamed of her hobby, I just didn't want her to know what our friends were saying behind her back. She said she doesn't care about their opinions; she's just doing what she's enjoying the most. I apologized to her. She also agreed to move her Pokémon plushies so they wouldn't take up so much space.

Pugly: [claps] Yay!

Mickey: Yay! Fast forward to today. A few hours ago, our friends have, uh, our friends visited us. It didn't take long for them to start making fun of my girlfriend.

Poppy: [gasps]

Mickey: This time I got mad.

Pugly: In front of her?

Mickey: I guess so.

Pugly: Or we don't know. Oh.

Mickey: Um, this time I got mad. She organized her plushies so they were all in our bedroom. She has not even once mentioned Pokémon, nor did she open the Pokémon Go app while they were here.

Long story short, they were forced to leave. I’ve realized they don't have a problem with my girlfriend's hobby; they have a problem with my girlfriend, and I have enabled their behavior by not acting sooner.

Pugly: Thank you, sir.

Mickey: Yes. [laughs] I told them they are the ones who need to grow up and to visit us again once they will stop being Boomers. [laughs] To show my girlfriend how sorry I am and to better understand her hobby, I've downloaded the app myself. So now I'm trying to level up as much as I can because she has a mission when she needs to trade a Pokémon with a friend, but to do so, I need to be at least level 10.

Thank you for all your comments, even the mean ones. They worked as a wake-up call, I guess.

Pugly: Okay, wholesome.

Mickey: Wholesome. He actually listened.

Poppy: Now he thinks it's fun, and he's become a Pokémon Go addict.

Pugly: [laughs] And now the plushies are back on the bed.

Poppy: Right. Like he enjoys it.

Pugly: Yep.

Mickey: Yeah, that's, I think, I don't know, Pugly, you were saying about like sometimes you, you just need to join in on your partner's hobbies even if you don't, like, love it.

Pugly: I don't know if I said that, but I do agree with that.

Poppy: Well, moral of the story is, don't knock it ‘til you try it.

Mickey: Exactly.

Pugly: And also pay attention to what your friends are saying about the person or the people that you care about. Like, if they're being shitty about it, like, are they really your friends?

Poppy: No.

Mickey: Yeah, that's true. That's very true. And I think, like, it's a very underrated act of love to show someone that you love, like, that you're interested in their interests. It means a lot, and people like, really don't do it as much as they should, you know?

Pugly: Dude, I love when people, like, when I send a song or a TikTok to somebody and they actually open it and watch it or, or listen to it.

Mickey: Mhm…

Pugly: Which I know I'm guilty of not always doing that myself, but…

Mickey: Okay, good. I'm glad you're admitting. [laughs]

Pugly: I'm just saying when I do it, it comes from love. So sometimes I don't have enough to give, so you have to be patient with me.

Mickey: [laughs] Lol. I do need to watch a TikTok you sent me earlier.

Pugly: So we're on the same page here.

Mickey: Yes. Although to be for real, like you don't open a lot more than me.

Pugly: Okay, but yours also are very specific. They're very niche, and it's not a niche that I fit into.

Mickey: Okay. [laughs]

Poppy: [laughs]

Pugly: I don't understand the jokes a lot of times. [laughs]

Mickey: [laughs]

Poppy: I think I always send Mickey like funny baby or animal videos because I think it will make her giggle.

Pugly: You should send me those because those are usually what I send her as well. We're probably doubling up.

Poppy: Yeah, you're getting good stuff. I get good stuff too.

Mickey: You guys have different genres of baby and pet videos.

Pugly: Oh, really?

Mickey: You're on very different sides of baby and pet TikTok.

Pugly: Ahh…

Poppy: Interesting.

Pugly: I'm on the cute side.

Mickey: Both cute.

Poppy: Yeah.

Pugly: Hm… Well, any lasting thoughts on, uh, Pokémon Go and—

Mickey: There is one other comment he made. Um, he said that I'm actually playing Minecraft, and my girlfriend decided to try playing the game I usually play too. It really was the best decision. I feel like we're getting actually closer.

Look at that.

Poppy: They need to grow up together.

Mickey: [laughs] I know, they're still babies.

Pugly: They're still young.

Poppy: They’re still very young. Yeah.

Pugly: They're on college right now.

Poppy: They're on college.

Mickey: [laughs] Oh…

Poppy: How sweet.

Mickey: One day you'll be old like me and like, like taking walks and being like, look how beautiful the sun is through the trees. Wow. [laughs]

Poppy: You know what? Maybe this, this was a good segue to something that we should dive deeper in tonight.

Mickey: Yes.

Poppy: How annoying is it to be with somebody—which I don't think I ever have been with someone like this—but like, you know, those significant others that literally are stuck to the computer playing games or like the video games thing, like it literally like encompasses them as an individual. They don't have any personality outside of playing video games. How unlucky is that?

Pugly: How do they get a boyfriend or girlfriend or partner?

Poppy: Yeah. Like, it's bad, and, and they all kind of look the same and you know what I'm thinking. Everyone has this in their head, you know?

Mickey: Mhm.

Poppy: Yeah. Like, that's just so sad. Like, they're, they literally have no personality outside of playing games.

Mickey: Yeah. Honestly, like anyone who had, like, one thing defines them, I don't wanna talk to you. Like you're so uninteresting.

Poppy: Um… I might have to mute myself here and there because if you can hear, can you guys hear the drums that are happening outside of my window?

Pugly: [laughs] No.

Poppy: You can’t? Okay.

Mickey: Is there like a, a war decree?

Poppy: Oh, no, it's like the Cookie Monster or Elmo dressed in like the, like the real deal Elmo or Cookie Monster suit. And then he's holding a drum and then there's like two other people behind him also playing the drums, and this happens pretty much every day of the summer and like every other day when it starts getting colder and then in the winter it like dies down.

Mickey: What the hell?

Pugly: What is this dedication that they have?

Poppy: Because Elmo and/or Cookie Monster are holding up a sign, and they, they, they're taking donations or Ven—that's a big thing here where Poppy Seed lives is Venmo, like, tips.

Mickey: Oh God. [laughs]

Poppy: Like that's a city thing. Like, I Venmo tip the girl that does my nails or, you know, like people on the street or in this, when people run back and forth in the subway trying to collect money, like, you know, those, those crazy dancers on the subway.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: Um, Venmo.

Mickey: We’re in the 22nd century.

Poppy: But anyways, that's how they make their money, and that's why they're running up and down these streets because people are all over, like all the people who are obviously not from here, um, think it's amazing and are literally recording it. You know, when I first moved here, I also recorded it. I am guilty of that as well. And did I Venmo tip? Yes, I did. Okay?

Pugly: Oh, you encouraged, you enabled this.

Poppy: But now it's… It fills me with rage every time I hear it. But you know, it is what it is.

Pugly: Well, hopefully they pass by you quickly or, or do they stay in the same spot?

Poppy: They went on a different street now, but like, you know what? Honestly, I'm like, if it's before like 9:00, 10:00, 10:00 max, like, whatever, fine, the princess has not gone to bed yet. But if I'm in bed—there's some nights they're out there at midnight and like, I literally curse the day they were born.

Pugly: [laughs]

Mickey: Yeah. That is crazy.

Pugly: Yeah…

Poppy: The Sesame Street Gang.

Pugly: Oof… That's an obsession that I, I don't quite understand.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: We really went off on—or I went off on a tangent, actually. I guess it was just heavy on my mind.

Pugly: It was present. It was heavily present.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: Yeah. Hm…

Mickey: Um, what were we saying?

Pugly: Something about obsessions.

Poppy: Gamers.

Pugly: Gamers.

Mickey: Oh yeah. Yeah, like everybody has hobbies and things they do in their spare time, and it's not like gaming is particularly worse than most hobbies—although I will say it's not very good for you, probably. It's just like you're staring at a screen all day, for what? So you can get up to the next level? Um…

Poppy: And that's okay if you do it sometimes, you know? Like, like I can sit there and say, “Oh, gaming is so bad,” but I'm also scrolling on TikTok for like, at least 3-4 hours of my day. That’s pretty bad, you know?

Pugly: Yeah.

Poppy: So, like, someone playing the game like that—but like, I'm also in bed most of the time when I'm watching TikTok. It's not the same as playing with the controller.

Mickey: Yeah. It’s your relaxation time.

Poppy: Yes, but maybe some people see it as relaxing even though I don't know how, because all of those games are super stressful. To me, at least. Like shooting and like…

Mickey: Mhm.

Pugly: Yeah. I used to enjoy a good Call of Duty game, but… I don't know why, I just gave it up at one point when I was in school. Or when I was on school.

Mickey: [laughs] You guys are never gonna live that one down, or I’m never gonna live that one down.

Poppy: On college. On college.

Mickey: I, I used to really like Crash Bandicoot, but…

Pugly: Back in the day?

Poppy: Now what is that?

Mickey: It was some weird… I don't even know how to describe it. He's not a hyena, but he, like, he walks upright. He's like, he walks on two feet.

Poppy: Oh…

Mickey: But anyway, it's kind of like, not like Sonic. It's kind of like Mario, I guess, but 3D. Rather than, like, in one single direction. Anyway, uh, yeah, like, just any, any hobby is, like, it's fine as long as you know there should be limits. Like, you shouldn't be doing 20, you shouldn't be doing it 24/7.

Pugly: Everything's fine in moderation.

Mickey: In moderation, yeah. And, like, especially, like, when you think about, like, um, your duties to the people around you, like, if you're in a relationship, like, you have duties to that person, like to hang out or, like, do something with them. If you guys want to game together, cool. But if they're not into gaming, um, and, you know, they give it a try a few times, but, like, you know, okay, 30 minutes, an hour, that's good enough. Like, alright, let's leave the, you know—

Pugly: The game?

Mickey: —little corner of your room. Yeah, the game, and do something else.

Pugly: I used to play, um, Fortnite with this couple, and one of their usernames was Tossing_A_Salad.

Poppy: [laughs]

Pugly: I think that's how I, how I discovered the term.

Poppy: That is funny.

Mickey: Full circle. [laughs]

Pugly: Yeah.

Mickey: Yeah.

Pugly: Just bringing it back.

Poppy: I used to play The Sims a little bit, actually.

Pugly: Ooh, that is a good one.

Poppy: Yeah, I loved The Sims.

Pugly: I was obsessed with it for a time, and then I was like, I am playing this more than I'm actually living my real life, and this is embarrassing, so I need to stop.

Mickey: I've never played it. What's so fun about The Sims?

Poppy: You can make them have sex.

Mickey: [laughs]

Pugly: That's the whole thing.

Mickey: It’s like Barbies. Barbies, but online.

Poppy: Um, but it's like… If you like planning things or, like, I don't know, like you literally like can make their life from start to finish.

Pugly: Yeah, you get to manufacture their lives. That’s the fun part.

Poppy: And it's like—yes, and there's like room for growth because they all have like goals. They have life goals. They have like, you know, aspirations. That's a big thing too, and they have needs.

Mickey: Oh my God.

Pugly: They have personalities…

Poppy: Yeah, you have to feed them, you have to, they have to go to work, you have to, they have to have social life, they have to use the bathroom, they need hygiene, like, they need fun. And so like, it's cool because like sometimes for someone who has an aspiration to be a good, like, cook, well, they can like read cooking books, they can watch cooking shows, and then they start to make better, like, meals and stuff. Like it's cool. Like there's no… Like, that's the leveling of The Sims is that they just become better people and more successful.

Mickey: Mhm. Actually, that's, like, really cool. I feel like, even, especially when you're younger to play a game like that. It kind of teaches you that you have to, like, put in work to be good at something.

Poppy: It does show you like the value of hard work, I would agree with that. I also sometimes would get really lazy and wouldn't want them to go to work, so I would put in the cheat codes.

Pugly: Yep, yep. The cheat codes. I was just going to say… I would put in cheat codes so I wouldn't have to make them use the bathroom and stuff.

Poppy: That too.

Pugly: And also cheat codes for money as well.

Poppy: That's the one I would use—motherlode. It’d give you $50,000 every time. Just because they didn't want to, I didn't want them to go to work and you know what? That doesn't foreshadow my, like, early retirement. Come on.

Mickey: [laughs] That's hilarious.

Poppy: Yeah.

Mickey: But that's also a life, a life lesson too. Like some people, they have cheat codes to life, like they have a little bit more privileges.

Pugly: Yeah.

Poppy: You could also kill them. Which is—

Pugly: [laughs]

Mickey: What?

Pugly: That was never something that I tried.

Mickey: I bet you Poppy has. [laughs]

Poppy: Um, yes, I have. I wanted to see it a little bit. Um, I wanted to visit Death just a little bit in the game.

Pugly: I did accidentally die a few times, like trying to cook things or whatever, where there would be a fire.

Poppy: Yeah, there would be a fire you don't put out or like they die of starvation, or you don't let them go to the bathroom, like they keep pooping their pants or something. Like, just, they keep running low, like bad, and then the Grim Reaper comes out.

Mickey: Oh God.

Pugly: You should play it. It's fun. Everybody should try The Sims at least once in their life.

Poppy: Agreed.

Mickey: I used to play like, Polly Pocket and like this Barbie game that was… It was more like fashion though, I guess.

Poppy: It's not the same. There's nothing like it, there's nothing like it. I honestly… No, I shouldn't say honestly because I probably won't do this, but the newest one, like, is even better than the version I was used to. I think the, the latest one I, I played with was Sims 3, and now there's like a Sims 5 or something, I don’t know. I'm curious to see. But it costs money.

Pugly: Ugh. Yeah. Just motherlode that shit.

Mickey: [laughs]

Poppy: Yeah, true, but, like, I think it's like $60 or $70, and that just doesn't seem worth it to me right now.

Pugly: Yeah. Yeah. Games are so expensive nowadays. It's, it's hard to get into the, or the hobby if you're not already into it.

Mickey: It's like 10 bobas.

Pugly: Yeah.

Poppy: That's true. I'd rather get the bobas.

Mickey: Yeah. At this current moment in time.

Pugly: Well, shall we transition to another, uh, obsession story?

Mickey: Yes. But I must take a, uh, what is it called?

Pugly: Okay, hurry up.

[Theme song]

Mickey: I'm ready.

Pugly: Alright. Moving forward. This one is titled: “My (36M) wife (34F) keeps tying my boots after I’ve told her to keep her hands off of them. I tried to teach her a lesson and really hurt her feelings.”

Mickey: Oh God.

Pugly: This was posted on May 23rd, 2020 in the r/relationship_advice subreddit.

Poppy: Oh my God.

Mickey: This is kind of weird.

Poppy: Continue.

Pugly: Okay. Alright. Yes, I know the title is bizarre, and I can't believe I'm actually writing this. My wife is a neat freak. Always has been. She throws notes on my desk out assuming they're garbage, my belongings get rearranged to the point where it takes me hours to find them; it's something I've come to accept. I'm not happy about it, but we have a pretty happy marriage on the whole.

I am a volunteer EMT, and I keep my boots unlaced up against the wall next to my clothes hamper so that I can throw them on along with my uniform if a call comes in during the middle of the night. Well, my wife has taken to tying the boot laces when she sees them untied. Not only does she tie them, but she tightens them and double-knots them to the point where I need to undo the knot, open up the boots, and let a little slack out to fit my feet into them. I ignored it the first two times, but the third time she did it, I made it a point to bring up to her to the next day.

I very calmly said, “Hun, I appreciate that you want everything neat, but please do not touch my boots in the future. Time is of the essence when I'm going on a call, and at 2:00 in the morning, I don't have the time to unlace them and open them up. It's not just a minor inconvenience, it's people's lives, so I would appreciate it if you left them alone.

She rolled her eyes, said I was being dramatic, and that she wouldn't help me out by keeping my things neat in the future.

Well, she never stopped. No matter how many times I've asked her, told her, begged her; she just laughs and says, “Well, you know how I am.”

The other night, a page went out for a CPR in progress. I went to throw my boots on, and they were, once again, tightened beyond recognition. So I'm sitting there on the edge of my bed, cursing, trying to get my boots open, and fumbling due to the stress of the situation. My wife opened her eyes, groggily looked at me, and asked, “Don't you need to go on that call?”

I know I was in the wrong here, and I regret it. I slammed the boot into the ground and yelled, “Yes! I do! I would have been out the door five minutes ago, except SOME STUPID MOTHERFUCKER FUCKED WITH MY GODDAMN BOOTS AGAIN!”

My wife got up without another word, walked into the bathroom, and slammed the door. I got my boots open and went on the call. By the time we arrived, the police had gotten her back, so I didn't have to do CPR, but I was sweating and shaking, thinking my delay could have cost a life.

I got home and my wife wasn't talking to me. She ignored me the entire day until we finally sat down and talked. She said I had scared her with how angry I got, that she thought I was going to hit her, and she didn't know I was capable of getting so angry. Note: I have never raised a hand to her, nor have I ever yelled at her before; I am absolutely not a violent person in any way, shape, or form.

I apologized for yelling at her and acknowledged that I hadn't meant to snap at her; I was frustrated with the situation, as I needed to get to the person in need of CPR as soon as possible, and it was a delay that didn't need to happen. I, once again, pleaded with her not to touch my boots because lives were literally on the line.

She told me that if I was going to overreact and make her afraid, then she would never touch my boots again because she didn't want to live like that.

Last night, before I got into bed, I had a sinking feeling, so I went over and checked my boots. I was very disappointed to find them tightened up again. So I decided to show her how it felt. I went over to her closet and pulled out her running shoes. I unlaced the shoelaces on both of them, removed them from the shoes completely, curled them each into a little coil, put them inside the shoes, and put them back. I then went to sleep.

At 6:15, I was woken up by my wife screaming, “How could you?! Why would you do this?” holding up both laceless shoes with tears in her eyes. My wife likes to go for an early morning run, and I knew she would want to get out of the door as soon as possible.

I smiled and said, “You know how I am! I just like things neat!” She continued sobbing and walked out of the room. So, by the time she was all laced up again, it was raining, so she missed out on her run. I actually feel pretty terrible about that because I really only wanted to delay her, not ruin her plans completely.

At this point, she's alternating between crying that I went out of my way to hurt her and ignoring my presence. I acknowledge that what I've done has been pretty childish and not at all constructive. I just don't know what to do.

She said, through tears, “You admitted you were totally in the wrong for yelling at me, and then you turned around and took it out on me in a different way! What is wrong with you?”

The problem is, to her, an apology means taking on 100% of the fault. When I apologized for blowing up, she took that to mean that she was 100% in the right and that my feelings were completely unjustified. So at this point, I haven't apologized for ruining her run, because she'll take that to mean that she wasn't wrong to touch my boots.

I've tried to have these discussions, but it's in one ear and out the other. We have such a good relationship otherwise, but I feel like this issue has reached a tipping point, and it's going to continue to result in arguments until we resolve it.

How do I make things right with my wife while still letting her know that I won't tolerate her disrespecting my property anymore?

Mickey: Oh my God. Crazy.

Poppy: Medicate. Medicate. Somebody needs to be medicated.

Pugly: [laughs] Which one? Or both?

Poppy: Nope. The shoelace lady.

Mickey: [laughs]

Poppy: This is all her.

Mickey: I… Yeah, I think they definitely need a mediator for sure because she's not hearing him.

Pugly: Yeah.

Mickey: At all.

Pugly: Yeah, it sounds like he tried to go about it in a pleasant way or a polite way of saying like, “Hey, this is really interfering with my work. I'm really not trying to be rude, but like I need to be able to go on call at the time that the call is made. I can't delay.”

Mickey: Mhm.

Poppy: Or how about just the fact that he asked a couple of times “Just don't touch my shoes,” you know? Like, it shouldn't be worth it. Like, the fact that she, like… If it was bothering me that much, if I was like, ugh, I hate looking at undone shoelaces, I would ask him to put them somewhere else, you know? I wouldn't just be like, “I just, I have to tie these laces right now.”

Pugly: [laughs]

Mickey: [laughs] Oh my God. I thought it was interesting that he was like, you know, my wife is a neat freak, and I've just accepted it.

Pugly: Mhm.

Mickey: Um… Because it sounds like she's a neat freak about everything, and he's like, well, she can kind of have the house. Everything is her purvey.

Pugly: Her what?

Mickey: Her purvey? Is that a word?

Pugly: Purview?

Mickey: Purview?

Pugly: [laughs] Her “purvey.”

Mickey: No one heard that, right?

Pugly: It's staying in.

Mickey: Purview! [laughs] Fuck you! I learned English as a second language.

Pugly: Fair enough.

Mickey: Anyway, her purview is the whole house, everything. But the boots are mine. Like, my uniform is mine. Like, and he's like, he's relented everything to her, and… But okay, this is like crossing a line because it's like, you know, uh, affecting his work. I think that's interesting.

Poppy: I mean, not that much.

Mickey: [laughs]

Poppy: Well, I don't know. Well, if he was actually serious about it, him, like being stuck five minutes later trying to untie them, then like, that’s not cool, but like… No, you know what? She just needs to not tie the shoes. It's all her, again. I'm trying to justify, and I can't like…

Pugly: We are pro-woman here, so it's hard to come to the conclusion that maybe the man is in the right here.

Mickey: Yeah. We hate to go against a woman, but sometimes—

Poppy: But you know what? The way he yelled at her, I do not condone that behavior.

Pugly: I don't condone either. Not here at Secondhand Confessions.

Poppy: The way he talked to her? You know, you can get frustrated without saying those dirty words. Once you start using those words towards your partner, it's, the level of respect starts to decline. You can't call them things like that. You cannot.

Mickey: Yeah, he, he literally said “some motherfucker.” Like, we all know who did it. [laughs]

Pugly: [laughs] Which one?

Mickey: It's just you and her, bud. Like… [laughs] Yeah, I don't know. I feel like I would get so frustrated with her but not know how to handle it because it's like he tried to handle it. He was like, “Hey, please don't do this. Hey, please don't do this. Hey, please don't do this.” And even after the blowup, and he was like, “This really affected me,” she still tied the shoes. So like, I feel like I would go crazy.

Poppy: [laughs]

Mickey: I would literally launch myself off a cliff.

Poppy: [laughs] It just sounds so ridiculous every time we say it.

Mickey: Yeah. [laughs]

Poppy: “She tied the shoes.” Like, what a weird thing.

Mickey: It's so much like the jar episode we once did—the tightening the jars episode.

Pugly: Ahh…

Mickey: It reminds me so much of it, um… But I think this woman has OCD.

Pugly: Okay. Well, there was an extensive edit that I'm going to try to brush through here quickly.

Mickey: Yes, go ahead.

Pugly: Wow! This blew up! I went through comments for six hours last night, and I still have 1.8k to get through. I promise you, I am reading every one of your comments and appreciate the advice. A couple of things to address points that keep getting brought up.

1.    My wife has never been diagnosed as having OCD. As an EMT, I'm very careful about labeling someone as having a disorder, as I don't have the proper qualifications to make that diagnosis. I do agree that it's time for her to see somebody, get a proper diagnosis, and address these issues.

2.    My boots lace up in the front and zipper on the side. They're not a full unzip, but rather an unzip to open them up a bit. The way my wife is tying them makes them impossible to get on even with the zipper down. They're weatherproof and great for standing on rough terrain or the highway after accidents. They're only about a year old and were actually a gift from my wife. I've not considered Velcro before. I'm a bit hesitant to do that, as I don't know that they wouldn't catch on things or wear out quicker.

Mickey: [laughs] I’m sorry, I'm sorry. People asked him about… [laughs] his boots. He's going so in detail about these boots, like he's trying so hard to fix it without confronting her.

Pugly: He really is. He is. He says: I've tucked the laces in, but she still tied them up. So that was another detail that, um, he's, he's really tried different strategies here. We can't, we can't fault the man for at least… I mean, we can give him credit for at least that.

Mickey: Yeah.

3.    This is a bit of compulsive behavior on my part. I don't leave my boots in the garage because my mother was a smoker growing up, and that's where she would smoke. So I would end up with ashes in my shoes and having them reek of tobacco after. So I developed a habit of wearing them into my home. Also, if I leave them there, they’re likely to get moved some place “safe” where it will take me even longer to find them. Putting the boots in the closet, she found them and tied them. Putting them under the bed or out of sight, they were found, tied, and moved to the closet.

Mickey: [laughs] You can't stop her.

Pugly: You cannot. She is a force to be reckoned with.

Mickey: God, I wish I had that kind of motivation about anything.

Pugly: True.

4.    I honestly believe that a footlocker or any other kind of box would get moved to where I would have to wake her up to find it. If it's locked, then my keys are likely to go missing. For some reason, sitting on my dresser is not appropriate, but in the pocket of a jacket downstairs in the closet is.

5.    I am likely going to start putting my boots in the car. Though I had to laugh at the people suggesting decoy boots. As much as it may seem like it, I’m not living in a Spy vs. Spy cartoon.

Mickey: [laughs]

Pugly: What was that laugh?

Poppy: [laughs] Not the decoy boots.

Pugly: Y'all are going crazy over here.

Mickey: He's just… [laughs] He's literally thought of everything. He loves her so much.

Pugly:

6.    I am a volunteer EMT. We respond from home. We don't have sleeping quarters, and I work the overnight shift, so I sleep during my shift, get out of bed when a call comes in, drive to the building, and take the ambulance to the scene. This is typical of volunteer organizations. Paid EMS is more likely to have sleeping quarters or even require EMTs to be in the truck throughout their shift. Community-based EMS is more likely to take 911 calls and respond to emergencies, whether paid or volunteer. Private EMS is more likely to take transport requests such as to/from dialysis or chemotherapy as well as hospital to nursing facility discharges.

Don’t know why that was relevant, but okay.

7.    To those who have told me that I don't have the right to use the word “life-saving,” on my dress uniform, I have pins for three defibrillator saves and four for CPR saves. I've crawled into a car wreck to open someone's airway and bag them until we could get them out. While transporting a patient, I recognized signs of internal injury and ordered we divert to a trauma center, where he was put directly into emergency surgery that saved his life. Did I do these things entirely by myself? No, of course not. I would never claim that I was the sole reason someone lived. However, I am, at my very basest level, a vital link in the chain of survival. So while I can't claim complete credit for any of the things I've done, I would certainly put a lot of blame on myself if someone didn't live because of something I failed to do.

8.    I have a full-time job that I work 8:00 to 5:00 Monday through Friday outside of EMS. That is why I volunteer on the night shift. My wife works as a payroll manager for a mid-sized office. I earn about $10,000 a year more than her. We've been married for two years. While I lived on my own before we were married, she didn't move up into the apartment until we got engaged. So, I think to her, that was my place, not ours, and she didn't really touch my things. I was with another EMS organization until we moved to a new town after our engagement. When we bought the house, I joined the local volunteer squad as an EMT. My wife regards my job as part of my identity while she sees the EMS as something I volunteer to do. She would say, “This is my husband, he is [job title],” not, “This is my husband, he is an EMT.”

9.    Thank you for all the awards on this post. You're all very kind. I appreciate so much that you took the time out of your day to acknowledge things and want to help me.

So that was his edit there. There is still another update. Um… But just thoughts on that?

Mickey: He's trying so hard to like not have to tell her like hold her hand and say, “You need help.”

Pugly: Yeah, I don't know why he's so reluctant to say that.

Mickey: I mean, it's a hard thing to do. It's a hard thing to do.

Poppy: You guys think this is the only thing that she obsesses over?

Pugly: No.

Poppy: Or do you think that there's other, like… This can't be the only thing that makes him say like—actually, I mean…

Pugly: I mean, she self-identifies as a neat freak, doesn't she? Or was that him saying that about her?

Mickey: I think he said it about her.

Poppy: Well, she was like, “You know how I am,” like, like, it's like, it's a joke like, you know, “You know how I am,” I'm like type A personality like, you know… Want everything done a certain way.

Mickey: That's why I feel like the house, he just, the house is hers. Even though they both work, he's like, well, she's a neat freak. It's hers, like, whatever she wants to do with the house, it's hers. But like, then it started encroaching on his work.

Pugly: You know what we need—we need this woman to go into the Pokémon house and, you know, tidy up the Pokémon shit.

Mickey: [laughs]

Poppy: Oh God.

Pugly: [laughs]

Mickey: She'd probably, like, order them alphabetically or… I'm not trying to make fun of people with OCD, like, OCD is serious, it's intense, but I just feel like it's time for him to be like, “Hey, babe, like, I think you should talk to someone about this.”

Poppy: Yes!

Mickey: ‘Cause I'm telling you how I feel about it and how it's affecting me, and it seems like you don't care.

Pugly: Yeah. Or it seems like you don't have the capacity to change what you're doing.

Mickey: I mean, she's not even acknowledging it. Like, she's not even acknowledging that that's what he needs.

Pugly: Yeah. It's interfering with our communication, the level to which you are this obsessed with being neat.

Mickey: Yeah. It's like, it's eclipsing anything and everything.

Pugly: Mhm.

Poppy: Mhm.

Pugly: It's an obsession or a compulsion.

Mickey: [laughs] Yeah.

Poppy: This is, this is, this is, yeah, this is obsessed, like the true obsessive behavior. Like, not even, like, not even like it being funny. Like…

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: Even though it is funny because I had a good laugh, like, with all the suggestions to him that, that he had an excuse for, you know? The, the Velcro took me out. If I woke up to that, though… So here's, here's something; here's something. If it was happening like during the day or in the evening, that's a completely different ball game than for somebody who wakes up as miserable as I do. Okay? I am not a morning person.

Pugly: Me neither.

Poppy: I'm, I'm with, with like maturity, like, I am getting slightly better and also it just depends on the company, but I, but like, waking up for my day-to-day, like, to put my clothes on and get ready for school and get on the subway, I am the angriest you’ve ever seen.

Pugly: [laughs]

Mickey: [laughs]

Poppy: And it's not even, it's my face that says it. I'm not even like… And then if I have to wake up and see my damn shoelaces tied!

Pugly: Yeah. [laughs] The Velcro is necessary.

Poppy: Oh my God. Every time I hear Velcro, I think of a toddler’s shoe. [laughs]

Pugly: Honestly, it would work here though.

Poppy: [laughs]

Mickey: But he does like… They need to put a stop to it.

Pugly: They need to end this.

Mickey: ‘Cause something like this, it'll just spiral; it'll keep going and going until it's like… huge.

Pugly: It's already spiraled. This isn't the first encounter, this is not the first incident.

Poppy: Yeah.

Mickey: It's not the first incident, but it's still like… It's still small scale. I mean, obviously, it's really annoying to do every day or whatever, but it's still small-scale. Like, it can get much bigger than this, and he needs to, like, say something.

Pugly: Well… Someone on this did comment: I'm actually stunned to finally hear someone describe OCD symptoms this similar to what I've observed from my father. He's exhibited these exact same behaviors as long as I've been alive—I mean, identical, right down to tying/zipping people's shoes and responding with anger and defensiveness when asked to stop. I'm well into adulthood, and he STILL goes in my room every time I visit and rearranges my stuff. It doesn't matter how neat I am; it's not about that. It's about control of his environment. If he's touched everything in the room, if he's arranged it as he thinks it should be arranged, his anxiety is quelled.

My dad is 80 years old, and all I can feel is sadness that he never got the help he needed, and now it's too late. I regret assuming that he was in complete control of himself and was just being an asshole. Only recently, in the throes of the onset of Alzheimer's, did he finally admit to my mom that he has always struggled with this and felt like he couldn't stop himself. With a great deal of shame, he confessed that, when left unattended, he would even rearrange things on his boss's desk but would barely remember doing it afterward.

OP, please try to get your wife to accept help. She will be very resistant—it is terrifying for someone with this disorder to contemplate losing that sense of control. That's why she's being such a dick about it. She will make excuses, she will blame you, she will not admit that she has a problem. Don't listen. Push as hard as you can. If she still won't seek help, it is perfectly acceptable to say that you won't stay in a relationship where you have to tolerate this. But if your wife means as much to you as you as you've described, please don't listen to all of these comments calling her a selfish asshole, and at least try to help her free herself of this.

Then ThrowRAShoes, the OP, says: If she’s open to it, I plan to let her read this thread. I think your comment is very important for her to see. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Mickey: Hmm… So people were like shitting on her.

Pugly: I guess so. Yeah. Calling her an asshole. Because people don't recognize OCD—or they don't recognize mental health disorders. Like, when you just say the symptoms of something and you don't label it, like, people aren't really understanding of, you know, why that might be happening.

Mickey: I guess so. I, I feel like I'm like the opposite and I'm like… If this is probably something from her childhood, we should forgive her. Like, but, you know… So I miss some actual assholes, if you know what I mean.

Poppy: Well, the fact that she has like an actual, like, you know, issue, like a problem—like that she needs to be seen by somebody—makes me feel a little bit of sympathy for her.

Pugly: Yeah.

Poppy: Because she… It sounds like she can't help it.

Pugly: Mhm.

Mickey: Yeah.

Pugly: At this stage, yeah.

Poppy: So I still think it's weird and funny, but like, I also think it's kind of sad.

Pugly: It is a little sad. You look at these shoes, you see they're untied, and you literally have no ability to withstand the urge to just go and tie them? Like…

Mickey: Yeah…

Poppy: It's like an addict looking at some heroin, you know? Like, I can't, I have to have this, like I have to get it done or—they don't sleep at night if it's not done, you know? So like… I don't know, it's just not recognized as like, like you said, you know, as like a real issue, but it is.

Mickey: Mhm.

Pugly: Yeah.

Poppy: It is.

Pugly: Truthfully.

Poppy: I, I, I can't imagine that compulsion, to like have to have everything a certain way. I have, I will be the first to admit, like I have, I… When I'm stressed, I need to feel like I'm in control, and I start being like, “Okay, this needs to be this, this needs to be that,” but like to, to actually like need to control everything… Oh my God. That could be probably like, I, I don't know, it would feel devastating, I feel like. ‘Cause you can't move on, you can't move on to living your life because you're making it organized.

Pugly: It's funny because like… The idea is that you're gaining control by being able to do all these things that you feel the urge to do, but you've lost so much control in the sense that you have to do those things that like, you, you are under the control of like this untied shoe.

Mickey: Mhm. [laughs] Yeah. Yeah. That’s so true.

Pugly: That's, that is a sad thought to have.

Mickey: I think the number one indicator to me that it's like, you know, it must be a mental health issue and she's not just messing with him is him being like we have a great relationship otherwise. And of course, as usual, we take these stories at face value, but he's, you know, he's like we literally are perfect for each other, but she keeps tying my shoes together or she keeps tying my shoes, and it's driving me crazy. So it's like, it must be like a big deal for her, like she literally can't stop herself.

Pugly: Mhm.

Mickey: So must be a mental health issue. Yeah.

Pugly: Yeah.

Poppy: Yeah.

Mickey: Now what if she's resistant though? Like, what do you do if you talk to your partner about something like this and they're resistant? Which, obviously, like a lot of mental health stuff, I feel like it's just normal, it's a normal human response to resist a little bit because again, especially with OCD, you feel in control, so why would you cede that control? So what if she resists? What should he do?

Poppy: And she just might. Because people's initial reaction to being told that they need help or have a problem is not usually a good one.

Pugly: No.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: So he has to be prepared.

Pugly: Yeah, he should be prepared, but he also sounds like a supportive person, and it sounds like he has a tactic in mind of like addressing the issue by bringing this post to her attention, bringing some certain specific comments that struck him as important to her attention, and just letting her know like her symptoms are fitting, you know, the, the uh what do you call it—the prototype of OCD—and that, you know—

Poppy: Criteria.

Pugly: Yeah, the criteria, the whatever… The prototypical OCD presentation and, you know, there’s help for that. There's like… There's people commenting that they've received help or they've, you know, seen somebody receive help or they've wished somebody received help, and that sounds like a positive outcome for all involved.

Poppy: Mhm.

Pugly: Um, so hopefully she's open to that idea at the very least—that like she can also gain something from this experience of like treating this issue.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: And we're back to Team Girl.

Pugly: [laughs]

Mickey: [laughs]

Pugly: Yeah, rooting for you during this uh OCD therapy—exposure and response prevention, hopefully; that is the gold standard for this particular mental health disorder.

Poppy: Yes, yes, absolutely. I was gonna say, like…

Mickey: So what would the exposure be here—untied shoes?

Pugly: Yeah. Work your way up to it, but yeah, eventually. Maybe you, you tie one, you can tie one, you know, for a certain amount of time and then you can leave both untied. Um… But yeah. I mean, you'd, you'd have to work on a treatment plan with your provider, obviously. Don’t go through our advice here, but, um… [laughs]

Mickey: [laughs] Remember the disclaimer on the first episodes? Lol.

Pugly: Yeah, I do. Yeah. Poppy, have you listened to those at all?

Poppy: Which ones?

Pugly: Just our initial episodes prior to your joining.

Poppy: Not all of… Not, not really.

Pugly: [laughs]

Mickey: We used to have a disclaimer on there that was like,

Pugly: “We are not therapists.”

Mickey: [laughs]

Poppy: Oh, oh, oh. Yeah, we are not therapists, but I'm going to put my two cents in. [laughs]

Pugly: Mhm. I'll put a couple cents in myself.

Poppy: Yeah.

Pugly: Um, well, there is another update.

Mickey: Oh! Go ahead.

Pugly: Yeah. Um… So this was posted 13 days later on June 5th, 2020. Again, this is height of pandemic times too, so, like, if there are contamination fears or, or other kind of circulating issues with this OCD, it could have also been exacerbated by that.

Mickey: Oh yeah.

Pugly: But just, um, saying… So she, he says: I've gotten a few requests for an update but didn't want to post until I felt like I really had anything to say. A lot has happened in the past two weeks, so I'm going to try to go over it as best as I can.

My wife and I started talking again. We had a very serious conversation, and I did apologize for what I did to her running shoes, and then I told her I had to speak some truth, and I wanted her to promise me that she wasn't going to roll her eyes, interrupt me, scoff, or get sarcastic with me—which she did. I told her that I was not kidding about my boots, that while most of the time I caught geriatric transports, falls, and nausea, there were instances where response time was of the essence, and I didn’t have time to play around with my boots in the middle of the night. I told her that there have been times when my intervention has been critical in saving a life, when my training has helped me recognize an underlying emergency, or when a call I made ensured that a patient was prioritized upon arrival at the hospital. I explained that a lot of the shit I see, I don't tell her about because I don't want to give her nightmares or make her worry about me. She actually listened and didn't dismiss what I had to say. She responded that she was trying to help by keeping things neat.

I responded, “But you're not, Sweetie. I'm not trying to be mean, but you're not helping. You're hindering me. One day it may be the difference between life and death. I need you to not touch my gear. It's where I know where it is, it's where I can easily find it in a short amount of time, and if you move it, you are impeding an emergency response. I don't care if it looks neat. It serves a function; it doesn't look pretty. If you want to help me, please leave my gear where I put it.”

A few nights later, I had my friend Officer Rich come over. Officer Rich was one of the two cops that did CPR on the victim that night. The three of us sat on our deck and had a few social distancing beers. He talked about getting there, doing CPR, giving Narcan, waiting for the ambulance, and getting her back shortly before we got there.

He then pulled out a few photos of car accidents that I had worked. He showed them to my wife and pointed out, “This car went into a tree. Your husband crawled into the wreck, put a collar on the driver, and stayed in there giving him oxygen until we could get him out.” “Your husband pulled a 3-year-old out of this wreck.” “Your husband recognized that the driver had a stroke and took her to a stroke center, which likely saved her life.”

After that, I told her I had something I wanted to show her, and I asked her for the same promise I’d asked earlier. When she agreed, I showed her a video on YouTube of a police bodycam from an overdose. This video showed how critical time is in getting someone back, and the training someone goes through in order to give the drug, do CPR, and utilize an AED.

I told her, “I'm not trying to attack you, I don't want to have a fight, but I want you to understand what I go through. That I hope every call I go on is transporting a boo-boo, because otherwise, it means that if I don't do everything right, someone could die. If I don't get out that door as quickly as possible, someone could suffer brain damage while they're waiting for me to give them oxygen. If I'm upset and shaking because I had to waste time opening my boots, I might miss something critical, and someone might not make it.”

She acknowledged that she understood and told me she hadn't really thought about the danger of what I do until the other night when she saw the photos of the wrecks. I told her that I think she has OCD and needs to see a therapist because it's hurting our marriage. I listed examples of her throwing important things out, moving things without permission, and messing with my gear. I offered to go together and said I'd be willing to work on things together.

After I pointed out the pattern, she agreed that it was time to speak to someone. She wants to think about whether she wants to go together or by herself, but she has promised me that she's going to try to change her patterns. I brought up her saying that she thought I was going to hit her, and she acknowledged she'd been with guys who flew off the handle with little provocation and scared her. That she'd never seen me get that angry, and it triggered her because she didn't think I was capable of blowing up like that.

She's been very emotional lately and has been going through mood swings. She's been worried about me going out on calls. The other day she started crying and said, “I hope you know how much I appreciate what you do.” Knock on wood, since we had the big talk, she hasn't touched my boots.

Is everything resolved? Not by a long shot. But she seems to have a new appreciation for what I do. Thank you for all of your responses. I wound up not showing her the thread, because a lot of it was pretty harsh towards her. I recognize I cherry-picked incidents that didn't put her in the best light, and there's a lot more to her and our marriage than that. She is the person I chose for the rest of my life, and I want us to work.

Mickey: I love them so much.

Pugly: Aww.

Mickey: I love love. I really love love.

Pugly: It is, it's nice to see a committed couple that's like, willing to overcome these issues together.

Poppy: Yeah.

Pugly: And like, both of them put, had to put in work for that to happen.

Poppy: Mhm.

Mickey: Yeah, that was just such a beautiful moment. I'm kind of speechless. I'm like… This is how love should be. This is how relationships should be.

Pugly: Yeah.

Mickey: And I really feel like they're together, like they should be together.

Poppy: Healthy. It's healthy.

Mickey: Mhm.

Poppy: That's good.

Mickey: Yeah. And growing together, like, that's the whole point of being in a relationship is that you grow together. And they're both willing to do that, like, he's being very supportive and kind to her. I really like that he didn't show her the, the post. Like, I don't, I think that would have been harsh.

Pugly: Yeah.

Mickey: And I honestly think he should delete them, like, at this point. But whatever.

Pugly: Maybe it'll help somebody else in the same situation.

Mickey: Maybe. And I, I do like that, he brought his friend and… Because I think he was right to recognize that she doesn't really, like, see what he does.

Pugly: Understand the severity.

Mickey: Yeah. Um… So I think that was a good move. Um… And it looks like it's working, I mean.

Pugly: Yeah. I mean, so far. I mean, we, we, there's no more updates, so we don't know how the therapy went or if she even attended. I, I think… Let me just go back and make sure of that before I say that so confidently. Um… But I agree, yeah, the couple seems to be like, even though it's not the ideal circumstances, they're working through it together as a couple.

There was a comment that he posted on the update post. He just said: We are doing well! She's been seeing a therapist via Zoom, and my boots haven't been touched since. Therapy is bringing up a lot of emotions, and I'm supporting her as best I can. Thanks for asking!

Mickey: Aww.

Poppy: Aww, that's good. That makes me really happy.

Pugly: Yeah.

Mickey: Yeah, it's really sweet. I think, I like that both of our stories today were happy endings, um, and supportive relationships. Um, because it's kind of infrequent, but, um, everyone deserves this kind of relationship. Like, not exactly this, right? But like, this kind of supportive, understanding partner on both sides.

Pugly: Yeah, I think in this case, it seems like something he was willing to work on and like, who knows if he would have been able to do this early on in their relationship, like with the early 20s relationship that we saw earlier, if this problem was occurring during that time period, like would y'all move on from the relationship or stay?

Poppy: Move on. Well, we were young. We were much younger.

Pugly: Yeah.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: So, yeah, it's probably easier. But um…

Mickey: [laughs] Yeah, because people also—

Poppy: Once you're committed, once you're really committed—honestly, even if you are young, it really just depends on how long you've been with somebody. And if you really, truly wanna be with them.

Pugly: Right. And if they want to be with you, because again, part of this story was the fact that she had to also acknowledge her faults in the, in the, you know, situation.

Poppy: That's very true.

Mickey: Mhm.

Poppy: She had to accept that she had a problem and needed to—

Pugly: Resolve it.

Poppy: —resolve it, and that's really hard for somebody to do is to admit that they have a problem. That's the first step.

Pugly: Yup.

Mickey: Yeah, I'm really happy. I was honestly, like, the most worried about that because, you know, we heard his perspective the most out of all of this, like, and we knew he was kind of supportive and all that, but, like, we just heard that she was like ignoring what he asked for. So I was kind of worried that she would, you know, continue to ignore it, but I'm glad she actually took it to heart.

Poppy: Mhm.

Mickey: Aww.

Pugly: Me too. What a nice little wholesome ending.

Poppy: It really was.

Mickey: Love is real.

Poppy: Love is real.

Mickey: [laughs]

Poppy: [laughs]

Mickey: That's sweet.

Pugly: For some. [laughs]

Mickey: [laughs]

Poppy: Whew!

Mickey: Okay… Some hard truths today, Pugly.

Pugly: Yeah. Just sayin’, I ain't got no love.

Mickey: Okay. [laughs]

Poppy: Yes, you do, because I love you.

Pugly: Aww.

Mickey: Aww. [laughs]

Pugly: Thank you, Poppy. I love you too.

Poppy: Thank you.

Mickey: Aww, I love both of you guys.

Pugly: You too, Mickey.

Poppy: You too, Mickey.

Mickey: Thank you.

Poppy: There's lots of love here at Secondhand Confessions.

Mickey: [laughs] I said, you know this, that's one of the reasons I really love being a girl is um there's no stigma about being loving as a girl, you know, with your girl friends, you’re just like, “I love you guys.”

Pugly: I never say that.

Mickey: You don't. I mean, you need to work on that.

Pugly: Yeah, I feel like I've been conditioned more as a male though.

Mickey: Oh, really?

Pugly: Yeah.

Poppy: Maybe—

Pugly: Because I grew up with a brother.

Poppy: Yeah, maybe because… And you and your brother grew up like literally together.

Pugly: Yeah.

Poppy: Like, I had a little bit of girl time before my brother, and then Mickey has had girl time her entire—

Pugly: Every day.

Mickey: I'm just like literally a puddle. I'm a walking puddle. I never had to deal with men in my life until recently. [sighs] Control, alt, delete. [laughs]

Pugly: Escape, escape, escape.

Mickey: Escape, escape, escape. [laughs]

Poppy: You know what I saw once about a poor therapist is that, um, you know, sometimes people, once their, their like issue problem, like catastrophe, whatever it is that, that they go seek a therapist and then when those issues are resolved and everything is great again, they just leave their therapist, and that therapist had to sit there and build you back together, you know? Like, they invested in you. They do. Like the listening, and then actively listening. Like, you have to listen to every single thing and then you have to give feedback and then you have to remember everything.

Pugly: Yeah. Well, that's what notes are for. Thank God for notes.

Poppy: Well yeah. But like, that's a lot.

Mickey: It’s a relationship, you know.

Poppy: Yes! And you have to do it equally to everybody, even if it's super boring and this girl is like, you know… Yeah.

Mickey: [laughs] Alright, well, I guess that’s all for today. Some interesting stories. I, I am again, really happy that we had some really interesting stories that actually had good endings.

Poppy: Amen.

Mickey: Always happy to hear your, your thoughts, ladies. Um, any final thoughts?

Poppy: Um, I just enjoyed it, and I'm gonna go tie my shoes now. [laughs]

Pugly: [laughs] Bedtime routine, for sure.

Poppy: [laughs]

Pugly: Yeah, I, I actually enjoyed, um, the positive spin on the obsessions this round as well, so I'm glad that we got that experience.

Poppy: Yeah, that was a good one.

Mickey: Absolutely. Alright, well, we'll see you guys next time—or hear you guys next time. Whatever. I don't… This is still weird. [laughs]

Pugly: Make sure to, um, rate us on Pod—whatever the hell it's called. [laughs]

Mickey: [laughs]

Pugly: See, this is why I don't do it. [laughs]

Mickey: [laughs]

Pugly: “On Podcasts.”

Mickey: Okay. I'm going to do this just in case you want to scrap that. I think it was good, but… Alright, make sure to rate us on Podcasts, on Spotify, wherever you listen to your podcasts.

Pugly: Apple Podcasts, specifically.

Mickey: Apple [laughs]

Pugly: You want to try that again? [laughs]

Poppy: Don't forget about Spotify too.

Pugly: Yeah. Okay. Let me try, let me try, let me try. [laughs] Make sure to rate us on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, guys. We love those ratings, and also send us some confessions as well. Um, text us on the number that's on our description.

Mickey: We’re still waiting on those. I'm very disappointed. [laughs]

Pugly: We are still waiting. Like I said, we've gotten one from a New Yorker, um, that said, just, “Test.” That's all they said. That's all she wrote.

Mickey: Maybe we should send in some fake ones [laughs] so people think it’s like… [laughs]

Pugly: Yeah, let's do it.

Poppy: See ya.

Pugly: Alright, well, peace out, guys.

Poppy: Bye.

Mickey: See you next time. Bye.

[Theme song]